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Good Day Margaret,
I am LDS as well and I am sometimes, well, most of the time, riddled with guilt about the things I should do but don’t/can’t. I have my prayers, I ask God what to do but haven’t always asked Him “What can I do for You today?
My husband and I live in a little two bdrm duplex. Two years this coming June, our daughter and her family had to move in with us, four of which are teenagers, due to her husband not able to work due to a bad car accident that has left him almost disabled. Our living room serves as a room for their family by day and a bedroom for the two girls at night, the boys sleep in a little camper out in the back yard. My husband is 67, I am 64 and we manage this family of 8 on our meager Social Security and my daughter gets food stamps from the county. Sometimes we have to ask for assistance from the church for milk and a few other items about evey 6-8 weeks. We have managed all right, even though at times I thought I would run away. Heavenly Father has kept me in tact and no blood has been drawn by anyone to date. giggle.
We also have a son who is very troubled and been in a lot of trouble. He is now facing possible hard prison time for various reasons. He is 45. Here is when I have a problem. I know that the Lord’s will has to be priority, knees are worn from praying in his behalf. But I always feel like I have not done enough, I should have done this or I should have done that, maybe if this had been different, that wouldn’t have happened. I know in my heart that through the Atonement that the wrongs done as a young DUMB mother at 18 have been forgiven but I still carry a load of “What If’s.”
When I found your site I thought first, I am LDS, I don’t need to know how to pray, I do that all the time, almost constant. Then it hit me, after reading some of what you had to say, maybe that is the problem. I am pestering God, not letting go and letting Him do. I have on my facebook quote “God has given me a certain amount of things to do. I am so far behind, I will never die.” That is the story of my life. Talking to him in the mornings and nights has been a new insight. Also, opening my mind a bit more and my spiritual ears a lot more, I am learning to listen, to be still and listen. He knows what challenges I face daily, keeping this home going, my health challenges and my emotional challenges. Not to mention being “Grandma” to 13 other grandchildren, one that will be deployed in March and a granddaughter on a mission in Albania who has to be a part of my soul. Thanks to your challenge and being able to read a bit of the first chapter of your book, I am finding a sense of calmness, a sense of “I am not required to do everything and take care of everything and everyone”, maybe I am not such a lost soul after all.
And for what it is worth, I will take my life over being Relief Society president any day. I have worked in the RS as a counselor twice and as Secretary. That challenge is, well, you are choice.
This is long, I apologize, but I just wanted you to know, this 3rd letter of the week and reading a bit of your book has given me more hope than I have felt in a very long time. Thank you doesn’t even come close to what I feel.
Blessings to you and yours,
Patty Ryker