I’m Done With Fear

Four years ago I gave up fear. No matter who won or lost, in spite of global warming, nuclear war, famine coming I gave up fear. I’ve had sixty years of it and I’m done with it. See below.

Age 7: hiding under my desk during bomb drills. Even then I wasn’t sure how hiding under my desk would save me from a nuclear blast but that’s what I did. I was afraid.

Age 17: my heros all murdered, the Kennedys, MLK, Ghandi. Watts was burning, Black Panthers were out to kill anyone with my skin color, my high school friends sent to Vietnam, Russia could still bomb us back to the stone age and the  wrong person was president (Johnson, a democrat). We were going to be destroyed as a country.  I was afraid.

Age 27 – my husband and I had been through THREE (not ONE) major recessions and a fourth was just around the corner, Jobs were hard to find and to keep. They didn’t pay very well. I would never have enough to feed my children or be able to buy a house. Soylent green made it clear that the population bomb would bring worldwide hunger during which I would have to eat or be eaten by my neighbors if China or Russia hadn’t already bombed us back to the stone age. The wrong person won (Carter a democrat) and the country was going to be destroyed. I was afraid.

Age 37 – Japan was taking over the world economy, UK was failing. We were going to end up serfs to our Japanese masters who were buying up all our real estate and our corporations. And of course there was still that unrest around the world, we could still be bombed back to the stone age, the population out of control. The wrong person had won the last election (Reagan a republican) and we were going to be destroyed as a country. I was afraid.

Age 47 – I earned a living running global warming scenarios in which the forests all died not from burning but from the climate change. We were at war again (still?)  soon to come was the fearful New Years day in which all the computer systems would crash causing a worldwide financial failure which our enemies would take advantage of to bomb us back to the stone age since our defensive missile systems would also crash, and we would all die as the forest burned around us and end up eating or being eaten by our neighbors. Marauding bands would kill me and take any food I had stored. Also the wrong person won the election (Clinton a democrat) and we were going to be destroyed as a country. I was afraid.

Age 57 global warming would now drown any one living on the coast and cause global crop failures and famines, North Korea had long range missiles that would bomb us back to the stone age and marauding bands would take whatever food I had and either kill me and force feed to my neighbors or enslave me and force me to eat my neighbors thanks to the global famine Also the wrong person  had won the last election (Bush a republican) and the country would be destroyed.  We were at war, the stock market crashed, the country had been attacked (9-11)and again the wrong person won (Obama a democrat) and the country would be destroyed. I was afraid.

Age 67 The wrong person won (Trump a republican) and once again the country would be destroyed, global warming was killing us all, China was taking over the world, and either they or North Korea were going to bomb us back to the stone age as global warming destroyed the world crops resulting in world-wide famine and…That’s when I said I’M DONE!I gave up fear for lent. Never took it back up.

Age 70: I have lived over 1000 days free of fear and I intend to keep living that way. It is true that one day, all of that might happen.  The forest I live in might burn as a monster category five hurricane destroys my home and the food stored therein. North Korea or China or Russia or somebody else might bomb us back to the stone age as the sea covers half the state I live in with water, and marauding bands  either kill me and feed me to my neighbors or vice versa.

Here’s what I’ll do if I live through all of that. I’ll keep loving my neighbor and enjoying my family. I’ll share whatever I have to share, invite the marauding bands in to my shack if I’ve managed to cobble one together and enjoy today.

This is the day the Lord has made and I, for one, intend to rejoice and be glad in it.